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‘I feel like a terrible father… but my son is ruining our lives’

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“But he’s put our family through so much, is it time to say enough is enough?” Ray shared to Reddit.

My son, Ryan, used to be a good student, had excellent grades, good friends, used to play sports… [then] he went off to university.”

Ray elaborated: “At the end of his second year he was different, he seemed thinner, more distant, and his grades had dropped.”

Coming home for Christmas for that year, Ray and Doreen* wondered if their son could be taking drugs.

“We questioned him about it and he blew up,” Ray shared. “He moved out later on the following year.”

Seeing Ryan the following Christmas, Ray and Doreen learned that their son had dropped out of university.

Ray and Doreen had heard rumours that Ryan got a job as a chef and was using his money to fund a drug habit.

Getting in touch with some of Ryan’s old friends, Ray and Doreen were told that Ryan had started marijuana in college, then turned to cocaine, and now was on heroin and was involved with “some very shady people”.

“We tried to get him help,” said Ray. “But he ignored us.” Ryan wouldn’t answer his parents’ calls and didn’t stay in touch for years.

“The next time we saw him he was 25,” said Ray. “He was in a bad way and we checked him into rehab.”

Ray recalled: “He came out a few months later, clean, then started using again, the same thing happened two years later. Then a third time.”

The distressed father revealed how deeply his son’s drug addiction has hurt his family in “so many ways”.

“He stole from our house… I can’t even describe what I feel… I can’t tell you how many nights my wife has cried herself to sleep.”

Doreen prays for their son to get better, and Doreen believes Ryan every time he says that he is now sober.

“What happens is, he pretends he’s fine, makes us think, makes us hope it will be alright one day, only to tear open old wounds again when something goes missing and we hear that he’s been seen drugged out somewhere,” Ray explained.

“He wants to come over next week and talk but I feel like I’m finished. I don’t know if this makes me a horrible parent or not…

“I have watched my family fall apart because of my son and seen my wife and my daughter and even my sons’ old friends in pain because of what he’s put everyone through.”

Ray asked: “Is it time for me to cut my losses? Does it make me a bad father for wanting to do this or even thinking about it?”

Families struggling with drug addiction issues can seek support from Adfam.

*Names have been changed.

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